Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
