i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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