Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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