my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
