It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I AM VODKA MAN
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
