god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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