Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
