We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
