Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
