Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
