Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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