her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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