I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
