I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
