We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
