What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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