she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
