I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
