3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
