for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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