Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
