help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She announced her abortion via fbk
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
