Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
