Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
