Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
