C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I want to have your abortion
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
