matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
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