remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
