clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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