NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
