If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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