I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
