nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
