Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
