You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
foreskin is a definite game changer
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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