hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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