I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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