I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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