I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
