I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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