I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
