we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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