Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
