god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
