its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
