i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
