you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
