i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
