Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
