i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
